Who am I to disagree

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 03:04:42 GMT

I sent my deposit in to Cornell.

I think I'm calming down about everything that's going on. It's good, break was timed well because I needed some separation. Had track practice this morning and the girl wasn't there. Maybe I can stop being so weird.

Went shopping in Manchester for a prom dress today. I got one, and I don't know if it's the one I'll end up using but it's alright. I still wanna look around to make sure.

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:13:19 GMT

I sucked at the meet today. I was completely out of it; I'm way too distracted these days. Not all of it is the track girl, it's just everything that's been going on. Good thing we don't have school this week... or maybe that would've actually helped me focus. I still have two papers to write, one of them will be easy but that doesn't mean I can put it off indefinitely.

Tonight Thom and I hung out and got lost in Mansfield parking lots and then in casino parking lots and followed routes with numbers we weren't familiar with in the hopes that the eastbound ramp would put us in the right direction.

We also got to talking about other stuff, and he revealed that Amanda (his recently ex-girlfriend) had liked me a year or two ago. I was completely oblivious - ah, the not so good old days. I'm not sure if he meant to make a connection to the present or not, but by telling me this he reminded me that it takes a hell of a lot for me to notice these sort of occurences, and since I'm definitely noticing the track girl, maybe I'm not overthinking it (like I thought). Maybe I'll never know unless I just walk up to her and hit on her.

I'm working tomorrow. As terrible as that is, I need sleep. At least it's more physical labor: we're cleaning out the shed. My normal filing would drive me crazy in the state I'm in.

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:03:59 GMT

Cornell is beautiful.

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:51:05 GMT

At the meet Tuesday I got second in disc, which was pretty cool because Melody's the only person who beat me, and 77 for jav. I was just barely edged out of third place, by a foot and a half from some Ledyard girl who came really late to jav and ruined our throwing sweep.

More weirdness with the track girl, whose name I found out is Lauren. It's weird enough that her name is Lauren, like the druggie I was sort of interested in last year. Anyway. I see her everywhere, and now it's even worse because I can't get her out of my head. I want her. She's cute, and probably straight, but Jesus something has to be going on with all this.

Today I had last off and after eating lunch at DQ with Jimmy I came back to school with flyers that said "Who is KIKI PAU?!" and taped them up in strategic places around campus. My motive? Kiki Pau is nobody. I have no motive. And that was reason enough.

Spring break is next week. No Hawaii. The week is filled with track practice and work.

Tomorrow I'm leaving track early to drive up to Ithaca so we can visit Cornell Saturday. I hear it's beautiful and in the middle of nowhere and I'm not sure what to expect, but I want to like it.

friday

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:03:16 GMT

Threw 76'2" for jav in the meet yesterday, got fourth, and it was a tri-meet so that was enough to place. My PR is 78 and I don't feel anywhere near my prime for the season, so it's looking good. Having Coach Terrel back is helping a lot with that. I might just qualify for ECCs this year.

College is still uncertain. This week I've been going back and forth. In the beginning I was clueless, then I started to lean towards UConn, then I went back to having no idea and now I'm favoring Cornell. I'm waiting on my financial aid offer right now. After I get that I should be able to make a decision pretty quickly, but I'm not going to finalize anything until after I visit Cornell.

I've been sick almost all week. I don't even feel bad, except that I have a lot of snot and can barely talk. Also, I'm tired all the time, but that's almost normal.

it rained today

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 01:09:20 GMT

Acceptances:
Cornell
UConn
Clemson

Rejection:
Columbia

It's weird that they all have Cs in such prominent positions. And it's not cool that my first choice is the only one who rejected me.

So the plan was: if I get rejected from Columbia, I'm going to UConn. Now that everyone's making such a big deal about Cornell, I'm not so sure. So in two weeks I'm visiting Cornell to see what's up. I also need to see how much money they're giving me.

Becca called me about an hour after I found out, the news having spread. She was so excited. I know because of her tone of voice, because she fell out of her chair by accident as she was talking to me, and because she repeatedly said how excited she was about a million times in our ten minute conversation. Our class has done so much better than last year's. Sana got into Columbia and Yale, Becca's going to Dartmouth, Bensey to MIT, Ted to John Hopkins, Sean to Berklee, and now me to Cornell... and we don't even know if Matt got into Princeton like he wanted to. He's got a chance.

This is a big week. The Buffy comic comes out Wednesday, track meet Thursday.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:49:00 GMT

Tomorrow ends the longest week ever. It wasn't long in terms of time flow, it was long in terms of anxiety for the event that it leads up to. I will finally hear from Columbia. I don't think I'll get in. I want to, but the odds are very slim. I just want to hear so that I can be done with this.

I've packed the week with events so that I'd keep busy and not think about it too much, but today I have nothing because Hannah and mom are in Boston and the house will be quiet. Friday night I went to Jimmy's house to watch Across the Universe, but I had gotten very little sleep the night before so I left before nine to come home and rest.

Last night I went out with Thom. We ate at Johnny Rocket's and saw 21, and then bought some nerf guns and had a shootout in the Walmart parking lot. Thom is up for anything. I also bought a knife, which I am proud of. It's more of a swiss army plier handle - a pair of pliers with knives and stuff that come out of the handles, and it folds up so I don't look like a loser carrying around pliers - and I'm so happy with it. I've been wanting some sort of tool like that for a few months and now I have one sitting in my car. I'm going to cut things with it.

I just found a pack of gum. Its flavor is mint mojito. I'm not sure what to do with that.

should have shown up by now

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:52:28 GMT

So I went 100 mph for the first time today. UUY is a beast. Jess didn't think UUY could go that fast and challenged me to a race with undefined parameters - so I passed her in the slow lane, exited, and reached the end of the off ramp first, at which point she invented a third lane up the middle of the ramp, turned right around me, and got pulled over for it.

It all started this afternoon. We had our annual tee shirt party at the firehouse for track, where I was fully distracted by this girl that I may discuss at a point in the future. We made Jess a shirt that was a mess, it was quite fun. Went to Susan's house to regroup and Jess arrived with the news that she had to be home by 6. It was 330. We went to Outback to celebrate Jess B's birthday in record speed, thinking that it would be fitting if she got a speeding ticket - a nice way to get back at her parents for their irrational curfew.

Her ticket wasn't for speeding, but it was for $330, and at 7 Jess was in a random parking lot, talking to us on the phone about the cop.

In all this fiasco, Jess had an amazing birthday, and Susan and I bonded. It will all work out in the end.

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:16:02 GMT

Today was the last day of the CAPT craziness. I enjoyed it, but when I don't even know what class I'm going to it's getting bad. I had no idea I had chemistry today so I sat through the class without my books and did my physics homework. It worked out, though - I got to leave school earlier because chemistry has last lunch.

I've still got a busy week, though. Chem Olympics are tomorrow. It'll be weird going to UConn when they're on break. Jess D'Auria is home this week and has been complaining that she has nothing to do. She's driving to Boston this afternoon and I considered going with her but driving to Boston on a school day is ridiculous when I've got to do as much as I have to do for tomorrow.

Another plus of the Chem Olympics: I don't have to visit the senior center with NHS. I think I'll get kicked out of NHS for not doing any service. It doesn't matter. All NHS means to me now is little ropey things around my neck at graduation.

And then Friday's a half day, but I have lunch plans and work and a party that night but I'm only doing all that if I'm not going snowboarding this weekend. If I'm going snowboarding, we're leaving Friday.

Bobbi, I don't know if you log in anymore, but I think you'd be interested in the latest Buffy comic. Joss Whedon's been doing a season 8 in comic form, and in issue 12 Buffy sleeps with a slayer. There's been a plotline leading up to it almost since the beginning of the season.

I've managed to work out a subscription type thing to the Buffy comics with the comic shop in Norwich. That's kind of exciting; I'm almost a comic book geek.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 02:48:09 GMT

To explain myself is the most intimate thing I could do. Go deep. Go deep. Go deep. I've never been able to get down to the root core of my being. Melancholy is easy. Happiness is cheap. True pain is the fabric of humanity. I avoid it.

Do I have intimacy problems? I don't like to explain myself. I feel that if I was to put myself out there for the world, to lay everything bare, I would have nothing left of me. I would become public property, and I would have no control. I like being in control. I like to keep things to myself. I don't want to be the property of the masses. I don't feel that they are worthy.

The artist leaned across the table this morning as she insisted that I was the cause of the world's problems. She was only half joking. I wonder where she draws inspiration from. She seems to have none of the problems she blames me for. Pain is inspiration, after all. Many times I have found myself frustrated at those who have a false sense of understanding. That is partly my fault - they would understand if I allowed them to. So is it also my fault that the world is imperfect? Or is it just that I make the imperfections so clear?

Pain itself is perfect.

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 23:48:03 GMT

Parents are gone for the weekend.
My progress report came in the mail, I am "not working to potential."
Track starts in a week.
Ivy League decisions come in a month.
Prize exams start Monday.
This is my senior year.

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:48:18 GMT

Got my acceptance letter from Clemson last night. Didn't get home from the city until about 11, which is an odd time to check the mail, but we did. Clemson can't really offer me alot of money right now, seeing as it's only December, but they're giving me in-state tuition to get around that and an extra $500 a year. I probably won't consider going unless I get a full scholarship.

New York was nice. We ate at Carmine's and went to see Hairspray. I liked the story, but something about musicals doesn't always entertain me. I think the singing and dancing happens too much or lasts too long. It was good though. We didn't do a whole lot while we were in the city. It took forever to get anywhere because the people we were with were slow and stopped every block to debate what to do next. We went into some stores, had dessert at Carmichael's Deli. I'm really excited at the chance to live there if I get into Columbia. Chances are I won't. I'm still hoping though.

I have a Cornell interview next week. I have to brush up on my knowledge of the school. Quite a few people from NFA apply there every year. I would probably go to UConn before Cornell, but it would be nice to get in anyway.

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 02:40:03 GMT

I finally finished my homework today. It didn't snow on Thanksgiving as I had hoped. Actually, the weather was warm: when I walked outside at noon I had the urge to throw on a pair of shorts and kick around a soccer ball. But I run around in shorts before indoor games when the temp is 27.

Picked up a new printer for our new elitist computer that won't take a scsi plug. I get to set it up tomorrow. I find an odd kind of joy in setting up computer stuff. I'm not a computer person. I just like that I can BS it with logic.

Saw Hitman with Thom. It was confusing because I had to think to figure out what was going on, and because half the people looked the same as the Hitman and the other half looked the same as the guy trying to catch him, but it was cool because there was violence.

After Hitman we went to Walmart and couldn't find anything to do but we passed the socks on our way out and I got the sudden urge to get a pack and put them on people's antennas in the parking lot. I bought the cheapest pack ($2!) and we did just that. Halfway through our mission a blonde girl from Griswold High got out of her car, told us that one of the socks fell off, and said we were awesome. I should've gotten her number. I didn't think about this until I was in Norwich. Maybe that's my problem.

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 00:41:24 GMT

Got my hair cut yesterday. It's shorter than I would have liked. I think it's the shortest it's been since I moved here, and it's weird, like a change back to the old me who didn't care at all. I don't know if I like it now. It's layered, so it's better than just a straight short cut, but it desn't look right to me, even though other people like it. It looks good with my hat, but I can't wear that every day. With my hat, I look like the slacker I actually am.

I've started working out again. It would be cool if I kept this up until track, because I'd be in fantastic shape, but I've got to be realistic. I'll probably stop before March.

I've been eating a lot of pizza lately. That's all there is in New England.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 01:03:15 GMT

Today is Jimmy's birthday. He is now an adult, so of course it was a strange day.

First, the bells didn't ring. The first bell didn't ring until halfway through homeroom, so I managed to be quite late. Also, while we were sitting around wondering if the homeroom bell would ring, I witnessed an influx of black people into the cafeteria. As in, I didn't even know we had that many at NFA, they filled the entire cafeteria all at once. I don't know why they suddenly decided to come in, I just sort of stared in wonder as a wave of them entered. I guess maybe there was a fight or something. My muffin was unharmed.

Had a math test I think I did okay on. I am predicting a B, since that is what I usually get. In drafting I got a pass to see my guidance counselor but he wasn't there, even though his office door was unlocked. I walked right in and set down my stuff. Mr Delucia was visiting a guy across the hall, he was in normal people clothes, it took me a few minutes to get used to it. I talked to him for a bit and then he got distracted by Mrs Wilsey, who was teaching the BC kids (a class size of two people) next door. I kinda wish I took my maths a year earlier, I'd be in BC right now too. I guess if I stayed at Stratford the block system would've let me get through it quicker, the year-long system at NFA is limiting but easier and we probably learn more too.

Partnered in the physics lab with Becca and Sana. We took 45 minutes trying to get our computer to work because datastudio hates us. We had three magnetic cars, which we labelled x, y, and infinity jr (infinity sr died a tragic death). Afterwards we ventured to Dunkin Donuts, where the smoothie machine was broken and did no good for us, then to Friendlys to get milkshakes. Becca is a new driver and it is somewhat amusing. She opened her door and hit UUY; fortunately, UUY is indestructible.

Looks like indoor soccer is going to work out at Oakwood. I had started to plan a different team to play here in Norwich, but since Liz is making the team after all, I'd rather play in Glastonbury.

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 23:13:19 GMT

My computer is screwed up beyond repair. The Geek Squad called me and said it wasn't just the power supply, it was the motherboard, which means I'm stuck on the basement computer for everything.

Hannah says there was a guy on our street this morning running around with a butterfly net in shorts. It is 32 degrees here. And there are no butterflies.

I like derivatives

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 16:43:32 GMT

Weird day yesterday. For some reason I thought SATs started at 845, but I woke up at 730 and realized they start at 745. It takes 20 min to get to school from my house, so I grabbed the closest clothes I saw and did 60 on the backroads and got there just in time. I think I beasted them, but I was irritated at having to take the whole thing, all I wanted was to raise my math and there were 50 bagillion reading and writing sections. Funnily enough, I got the same writing prompt as I did last time. I wrote the same essay.

Filled out my UConn application after I got home. All that's left for me to do now is the common app stuff and I'm all set with applications. If I did really well on my math section yesterday I have a chance of getting into Columbia, but if I don't get in I'll be at UConn. I don't mind, I don't have the disdain for UConn many of the top kids at my school do. If I go for free then I start my real life with no debt.

Went to Chili's with Thom and Susan for dinner. On the way back we were going to go to Dairy Queen but we wound up at the casino and got Ben and Jerry's there. They have sharks in a tank at the casino and we got into a discussion about a showdown between dolphins and sharks, then bear vs shark, then ladybug vs shark. Susan said the ladybug would win if it had an infectious disease and swam down in an air bubble and peed in the shark's lungs. I think Susan is a bit weird.

Grades closed for the quarter this week. I have an A- in physics and an A in chem, but I don't know what I have in calculus. I'm hoping an A- and won't be surprised at a B+, but either way it's going to go up for the semester because I've got the hang of derivatives now. I hate Latin so much that I've stopped doing the work. It could kill my gpa, but I think about half the kids in the top ten are expecting their gpa to drop, and that could be good for me if I wasn't so damn lazy.

If I get through this week, the rest of the month will be a breeze. Next week I have a day off and two half days, which is the best week ever but one would think the administration wouldn't do all that in a single week. After that is Thanksgiving week. I could use this time to fly down and visit Clemson but I think I'm just going to work. Gas prices are over $3 and sometimes it sucks living in the richest state in the country.

I'm going shopping today. I need new clothes. I always need new clothes. It's cold now.

I feel like a working man

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 22:44:21 GMT

My hit count got restarted. I kind of liked having a high number for my total, even though I've had this thing for three years.

I've got paint on my hands. It makes me feel accomplished, and as I was trying to explain that to Ted, he summed it up pretty nicely: it makes me feel like a working man. I thought the man part was pretty funny, but saying woman instead has a different connotation than what I mean.

I kind of trudged through school today. I really didn't do anything useful, even in physics I just wanted to leave. Becca said I looked like I had manic-depression, then went on to explain the dilemma of being the NHS election vote counter. It was her, Salome, and someone else, and the second time we voted they were on edge wanting me to win; it came down to the very last ballot, which was for Melody. She said they screamed at the little bits of paper, and I do remember hearing a ruckus outside as they were counting.

At JCL we painted posters for World Language Week, hence the paint on my hands. I painted a psychedelic interpretation of North Korea's flag and abandoned it before I finished to work on the Bahamas; Thom saw a random language teacher in the room look at my flag disgustedly, saying "This flag is. wrong." I could imagine the crazy French teacher doing that, her accent and everything. I was so inspired by painting tha I decided we should paint UUY, but when we walked to the senior lot we saw that Melody and Susan attacked UUY with car paint. My favorite is Susan's rendering of the napkin monster on the driver's door.

Hannah's coach told me that he cancelled practice for Thursday, which means I won't be working with them anymore because I don't have time. In an act of desperation, I will try to get to practice after my chem lab tomorrow, but I don't know if I'll finish soon enough.

I'm writing an inquiry, and I can't think of a closing sentence. I hate closing sentences, I'm no good at them. It's hard to let things end.

this is hilarious

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 21:01:33 GMT

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/GreatestJournal

"GreatestJournal is an LJ clone, using Brad's open source code to create a similar website. For evil. GJ has some features that whiny LJers have asked for since they were introduced, such as 2,000 userpics and the ability to remove yourself from someone's friends list, but Brad has not caved to this pressure. As a result, GreatestJournal is populated by a whole bunch of stupid bitches."

Sat, 13 Oct 2007 04:26:41 GMT

My first chem exam was today, it was pretty easy. It should've been, since it was basically a review exam of everything we did in intro, but it had some Titration problems thrown in that I was worried about.

Tonight I went to Jess's house to watch a movie with Susan and the other Jess. Jess's roommate Alyssa is spending the weekend with her, so she hung out too. I like Alyssa, she's sweet but not in that irritating way that's too sweet. We watched Mean Girls then went out to Ruby Tuesdays for one of our late night food runs. I really like those.

Tomorrow is homecoming and I'm kind of worried about what I'm wearing and stuff but I'll try not to think about it.

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 00:58:31 GMT

So I'm pretty angry about the Hope Solo thing. I want Greg Ryan to get fired so Hope can get back on the team. He's a dumbass. I really think his switch screwed up the team mentally and made them lose against Brazil.

I decided to go to homecoming, after some persuading. Now I'm going to have to find a dress, which will be difficult, especially in the limited time I have.

At JCL today Thom and George were chosen as consuls. It was pretty strange that Ted wasn't chosen. I think it should've been Ted and Thom, but Ms B said she and Dr T really liked the junior/senior dichotomy they've had for the past two years with me and Becca, and before that Lynette and Melissa. I think they just don't like Ted, because last year Ted applied for consul and I got chosen, when I applied for secretary.

I'm pretty excited that for Halloween we're not going with the exhausted Underworld theme and instead are having a dessert contest. For years we've been wanting to do a dessert-themed contest but we haven't done it for as long as I've been in the club. I will get to bake. It might be messy.

After JCL Ted and I went to Taco Bell, then to TJ Maxx to look for a dress. Ted told a lot of people that he was going dress shopping with me, and I thought it was pretty funny how quickly it spread. It was just because Ted needed a ride home and I needed to look for a dress. While we were out Greg texted me telling me to go by a certain flower shop and I'd get a free rose. I was pretty confused until we pulled up and the sign said If your name is Beth, stop in for a free rose.

I'm really enjoying my fall shows. Television is good. Reaper comes on tonight, I'm excited. Since tomorrow is the only day I have free to help with the soccer team, I'm hopping the bus to their game to Salem so I can warm Jess up for goal and watch to see what we need to work on.

I've been doing circles

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 22:55:45 GMT

It's been getting colder lately. I think it's just the fall rains. I don't remember it raining this much in the Southern fall. The cold is nice for now, I'm always pretty excited to break out my long sleeves and new jacket at the start of a school year and I only ever have to wait a few weeks. A tree in my front yard has changed its leaves but the others aren't in as much of a rush. It's a beautiful contrast. I think I am that tree.

After work last night I drove up to UConn to see Jess. We watched the women's soccer team kill Brown. Afterwards we caught an 11pm showing of Old School at the student union. We were still bored then so we walked outside into the drizzle and wandered campus a bit. We came upon a statue that leans like the Tower of Pisa and is shaped like an extremely blunt pencil, point in the ground. There were holes up and down the side that had mesh-like stuff to keep us from sticking stuff inside it, so we wondered if the top had an opening. After an experiment involving a rolled-up soccer poster and the use of projectile motion, we found that there was no opening.

Jess's roommate is awesome. She got really lucky. She's from Minnesota, in the UConn marching band, majoring in theatre tech. She's a sweet girl, I hope I get that lucky next year. She went to bed early because UConn had a game today but Jess and I stayed up pretty late. I told Jess that she could sleep on the floor or we could share the bed, but there was no way I was sleeping on the floor. We slept in the twin bed better than I thought we would. We woke up at eight and laid there for about an hour. I don't think Jess's fleeting feelings have exactly fleeted.

On the way home I was listening to UConn's radio station (which I've had programmed as #2 for about a year now and was never entirely sure if it was the college radio station) and they played a Tegan and Sara single. It made me think about The Con a bit - I didn't like it at first, but hearing their single made me realize that I had huge expectations for the album. A good fraction of the music I listen to needs an acquired taste, you have to listen to it a few times before you get to like it. I'm listening to it again. I like it.
I collapse.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:59:48 GMT

I mean to update about something a few nights ago but I found out that the Women's World Cup was on and watched a game instead. North Korea is a badass team. They tied the US 2-2 in a group game. We're in the group of death (like the men at their last world cup) with North Korea, Sweden and Nigeria. I'm sure we'll get out of the group but who knows if North Korea or Sweden will be the other team to move on. I'm betting on the Koreans.

My fasting didn't go as planned yesterday. I got hungry around lunchtime.

Had last off today but I'm going to the Sayles practice so I'm basically just killing time.

Every day vs everyday

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 21:35:05 GMT

I’m starting to feel a little stout. Not stout. Stocky is the word I’m looking for. My peers have caught up to me. My entire life I’ve been tall and now I’m closer to average. I don’t mind so much. I’m still gigantic compared to some people: freshmen, Becky, EBeth, my mom. But a lot more people are my height. Jimmy and I are nearly exactly the same size. Salome’s close. Hannah will be taller than me before I go to college, which I'm not entirely happy about, but I don't mind as much as I used to.

I'm not sure why this gives me confidence. I used to pride myself on being tall. Now that I'm not, I'm getting lost in the crowd. I guess it's not that I want to be short, it's that being shorter makes me feel stronger. I'm not some lanky twig that can be broken easily. I'm average height, I'm thin but not skinny, I'm more muscle than fat. For some reason it makes me feel like a goalkeeper. It's weird to feel like a goalkeeper in everyday life.

Enough of that. I'm glad my thought ramblings have come back, but it gets in the way of talking about my weekend. Jess came home for the weekend again so we kidnapped Susan and ate at Jewett City Pizza Castle and watched 300 at Jess's house.

Saturday morning I picked Susan up to go to Taste of Italy. Jimmy texted me when I was at Susan's house so we picked him up too. After we ate Jimmy felt bad so he went home but Jess came. We got a cannoli for Jess B and took it to her. She just got her wisdom teeth taken out so she's not been around lately. Jess and I watched Susan's field hockey game and it was 3089257239874 degrees out. Today mom took me and Hannah to the mall and I got some more shirts. I need to find a collarless style that works for me, but at least I have something that works for me besides tee shirts.

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 19:17:47 GMT

I find myself missing the winter. That cold bite, the raging wind. I know I always hate it once it comes around, but right now I want it. This is why I don't think I could go to school in the south.

I dunno. Maybe it's the fall I want, it's a bit chilly too. Sometimes I think of weather in terms of two seasons: summer and winter, and everything else is just a transition. I feel like I'm in a transition. Senior year is the obligatory year of preparation and waiting. Just waiting.